The God who loved me first

God doesn't mind if I get angry (even at Him sometimes), He just wants me to let Him love me. He wants to fill me with life. That doesn't mean I will never suffer or get hurt. Life abundantly doesn't mean I experience everything God promised NOW (contrary to popular teaching), and it doesn't guarantee anything other than His peace in the midst and His coming Kingdom when all will be made right. The Spirit and the Bride say come....

New mama friend

I found out today that a mama at baby storytime lives 2 blocks from me. We had a really great conversation; she seems to have a similar parenting "philosophy" as me. We exchanged numbers and are going to plan a playdate. I love how God puts people in your life at just the right time. He's good like that.

E took his first steps...

...last Friday at Seward Church. It was during prayer so I had to contain my excitement. Jake missed it. I find it interesting that E's first real steps happened on the same night as our first time at Seward. It is a small, newish church within walking distance. They have a heart for community and justice and loving Jesus, of course! We don't know what we're looking for, but we'll go again. We've also been to a Messianic place a couple of times which is very interesting. I love the idea of it, but just can't imagine anywhere being "home" right now.

I feel like everything I thought about God has been torn down and needs to be rebuilt. It's hard recovering from abuse done in the name of God. I am not bitter or unforgiving, just recovering. Just figuring out who He is and learning to just rest in His love, with no doctrine or proof texting getting in the way. I feel stuck some days.

I admit it:

I mixed brownies left over from E's birthday in my oatmeal three days this week.
My house is not nearly as clean as I want it to be (and has not been in months).
Both E and I stayed in our pajamas ALL day today.

EC Correction

I should make a comment about my previous post. I am serious about starting EC because it is about communicating and knowing your baby. He communicates that he has to go to the bathroom and I respond just like I would if he were hungry, tired or scared. Whether he is out of diapers sooner doesn't really matter to me nor is it a goal. The goal is to communicate with E, and continue to build trust.

Elimination Communication

I had an aha! moment last week regarding E's waking. He hates being wet. I thought his cloth night time diaper being the kind that wicks wetness away from his body would cause him to not feel wet. I feel a little silly. He is a person and what person wants to lie in their own pee all night? Duh, mama!

So, we've been putting him on his Baby Bjorn potty right before bed and letting him pee in there instead of his diaper. He's been waking less!! But, now he likes to pee on the floor instead of in the potty, so we need to work on that. On Saturday, we were at an expo at the fairgrounds and he stayed dry almost all day. I took him to the bathroom, took off his diaper and stood him by the toilet while I peed every time I had to go. He would start peeing at the same time! I could not get him to pee in the toilet though. Yes, I cleaned the pee off the floor. Yesterday he took off his diaper right after peeing. And then later he peed on the floor, came and got us to point out his pee to us. We were so proud!

I'm excited to pick up a copy of The Diaper Free Baby from the library tomorrow for some helpful tips. We had planned on practicing EC from the beginning, but I guess I don't know what happened. I had been putting him on the potty since he was a few months old for some diaper free time and he would go in there once in awhile, but I wasn't too serious about it. Now I am.

E found the tp!



Leaving the scene of the crime!




Gotta love a babywearing daddy!

If someone is passionate about something...

...why could that cause someone else to feel guilty? I don't understand this. I saw this happening on a blog I was reading this morning, and I know that it happens often. If I like soccer and you like football, would my passion for soccer make you feel guilty for liking football? No, that's absurd. We may not agree, but you wouldn't feel guilty.

So why does the guilt thing happen with parenting style. I am passionate about natural birth, natural duration nursing, co-sleeping, being educated about vaccinations, healthy/natural eating, etc. I am confident in those choices because I pray about them, I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and I trust my instincts. I don't feel guilty when someone parents differently than me.

When you are making parenting choices, you should be educated and know why you choose what you do. Don't just do what everyone else does just because that's what everyone else does. Be confident in your decisions and no one can make you feel guilty. I think the feeling guilty part comes when you lack confidence, and you doubt your choices. Just a guess...

I heart nursing (aka breastfeeding)!

Here's why:

~Breastmilk is God's perfect food for babies.
~It provides antibodies/immunities to naturally protect baby.
~Helps mama lose preggo weight easily, healthily and effortlessly (I'm below my pre-preggo weight!).
~E now plays peek-a-boo while nursing, soooo fun!
~No waste (no bottles, formula containers, bottle inserts, etc to throw away).
~Breastfed babies smell good naturally.
~No making/warming up bottles in the middle of the night.
~It calms and comforts baby.
~It relaxes mama. The hormones released literally help the body relax and cause you to want to "mother"...so cool!
~Bonding time with baby is amazing.
~My focus is on relationship building and mothering my baby not ounces or the clock.
~I have more reasons, but it's time to get to bed to snuggle with my two fav guys!

Woman Uncensored

I read this on Woman Uncensored's blog:

Some people would label me as an "Attachment Parent", and I'm great with that, but I tend to think that following one's parental instincts is what is truly normal, and everyone else is a "detachment parent".

Yes, exactly!! It is about following our instincts and not suppressing them because some "expert" says differently. I love how those dark voices that go against my instinct are getting quieter and quieter the more I encounter amazing women who parent by following their instincts. We are parenting a human being, not a robot or an inconvenience. I am gaining more and more confidence in our parenting choices.

I like lists

I like to make lists of all kinds. Grocery lists and to-do lists are the most common. To-do lists are great, especially if I get all the things done. Sometimes when the list is small, I add things that I normally wouldn't put on a list (gave E a bath, returned book to library, etc.) I do this to show myself that I actually accomplished a lot in my day even if I don't feel like I did. I'm a pretty driven person so if I feel like I didn't get much done, I tend to get down on myself. Lists help me stay sane. I like being sane.

Why "Joy Comes in the Morning"?

Life gets a little blurry when you aren't getting much sleep, or your sleep is interrupted many times a night. Some nights feel very dark and I don't always display patience like I should (and want to). Usually those are the nights when the voices of the "others" try to invade my thought life and cause me to doubt our parenting choices. The voices that say "you'll spoil a baby if you go to him when he cries," "if he doesn't learn to self soothe, he'll never sleep well," "he's waking out of habit," "he's not going to sleep until you let him cry it out"...blahblahblah. Joy comes in the morning because I can think clearer and can shut those voices out. Joy comes in the morning because I can hear God's voice telling me to trust Him and the way He is leading us to raise E. Joy comes in the morning because I am encouraged by other gentle mamas. Joy comes in the morning because I can see how E is such an amazing, loving, well adjusted, appropriately attached little person who is not spoiled, who will learn to sleep better at some point, who knows mama will meet his needs which will help him know and trust that God will always meet his needs. We are setting the foundation he needs to view God in the right light.

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Ps 30:5, ESV)

Well Baby or Well...Baby

E had his VERY FIRST (yes, that's correct 1st ever) well baby visit. And lest anyone think we are negligent, he's been to a chiropractor/cranial sacral therapist/applied kinesiologist 1x or 2x per month since he was 10 days old. Yes, chiropractors are doctors and they know a lot about how the body works. And now I know why we've never taken him to a well baby visit before. It really was a waste of time (weight, measurements, look in ears, nose, throat, ask what he's eating, really?). He's small, but smart. Great, thanks. He's actually not small at all, the charts are just distorted. But yes he is very smart.

And well...baby, I felt violated for you when they took your temp rectally, and then almost cried with you when I later changed your cloth diaper and you had a rash from whatever nasty lube they used. Yuck, completely unnecessary. I took your temp with our temporal thermometer before we left and got the exact same temp, hmm, so much for rectal being most accurate.

On a brighter note, E had a great visit with the lovely Dr. Rebecca (one of our chiro/CST's). He woke up with a snotty nose (his 1st ever!). He probably picked it up at the well baby visit. Anyway, Dr. Rebecca did cranial work and gave us some essential oils and recommended an apple cider vinegar bath. Wow, this baby slept better than he has in months, and the snotty nose is on its way out! Yay, for NATURAL medicine! And glory to God Who provided everything our bodies need for healing!!

Feeling very "domestic"

Yesterday I made homemade pasta sauce from squash, spelt bread and vegetable soup (E isn't supposed to have dairy, wheat or tomato, among several other things). I also got quite a bit of laundry and housework done (at least quite a bit considering we aren't getting much sleep around here lately, and by lately I mean the past five months!) I felt sort of domestic. :)

Here are some long overdue updated photos of E. "pope" hat w/ cousin S in background, standing, and just plain cute on our gorgeous hard wood floor.